In all relationships (husband/wife, parent/son, friends …) and with coaching clients, the most important thing is to understand the person we have in front of us. But are we really ready to play the “understanding” game?
Here are some examples, they may sound like stupid ones but, believe me, they are not:
– Our friend says the moon is green and we think (or say) “you are wrong”.
– Our client believes that all bad things in his/her life happen because of others, while you believe that everything starts from ourselves
– Our husband/wife says “you are an idiot”; we turn back and leave, angry.
All these situations happen so often that sometimes we are not even aware of them. And what we lack in responding the way we do in these examples is understanding.
Coming from a place of understanding is hard and requires patience and love; and if we want to practice patience and love or care for someone else, we could try to stop before jumping to conclusions and ask them “why”. Why do you think the moon is green? Why do you believe that? Why do you think I am an idiot?
By asking questions we get to a double goal:
1) we could discover things we were not aware of – like for example that our friend is color-blind!!! – and start talking or discussing from a totally different point of view.
2) the other person will feel we are trying to put ourselves in his/her shoes – in this way, the discussion will take a totally different road and both of you will be more ready to come to a positive solution.